Sundays

I thought that we were getting better with making Sunday mornings less stressful, but then today came along. It started last night with getting to bed way too late, and then wanting to sleep in a little bit this morning. Jared was not feeling well (perhaps because we got to bed too late? Hmmm...) So, I fed and dressed the kids by myself. We got to church on time, miraculously, and Jared started feeling worse. So, instead of having him drive himself home and then come back to get us an hour and a half later, I suggested he wait until after Primary opening exercises so I could drive him. Unbeknownst to us at the time, neither the primary secretary (who is in charge of the schedule) nor the primary chorister (who does all the children’s music) had informed anyone that they would not be at church today. AND, on top of all that, it was ward conference, so all of the people from the stake were there to watch us. So while I’m holding my one-year-old baby on my hip, the poor president and I are try to figure out how to substitute all the missing people, Jared’s sitting in the back dying, and I’m putting on a happy face and saying “Welcome to Primary today!” Opening Exercises took a lot longer than it usually does, and after a while Jared left, so I had to go find him before I could drive him home.

On days like today, I miss the carefree Sundays of my singlehood. I went to church. I felt the Spirit. I felt edified and fed. After church, I fed myself, and then either wandered campus to have a good think while I walked, or went to my favorite place in Rock Canyon to be alone and meditate. When I wanted to, I came back to my apartment and hung out with friends or called my family. So nice. So truly a day of rest.

I expect that someday Sunday will once again be a peaceful day of rest, but I don’t expect that to be for a very long time. However, it would be nice to feel the Spirit again at church. I did cry at church today, alone in a corner playing with my baby. But they were tears of stress, not of joy or an overflowing of love.

I don’t want to go back to the Sundays when I was single. I just want to find some way to make my Sundays now a day to look forward to instead of a day to dread.